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work syndrome’. If you’re a true specimen of a narcissist, you’ll never experience this—and if you set the bar super-low for yourself, you’re also in luck. For the rest of us with hopes, dreams, and aspirations, it’s normal. Here’s the thing: I’ve been celebrated because I’m a girl. Because I told a wild—and true—story about how I came up in the world with no degree. But living up to my own hype terrifies me. I hope I’m still alive the day that accomplishments such as mine are no longer headlines news. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t celebrate myself. You can celebrate yourself, love yourself and be confident, while remaining humble. Just be careful not to buy your own hype. (And don’t call yourself humble because that’s just weird.) Confidence + self-doubt + capability + self-reflection = humility. Cultivate your talents but don’t let them become your identity. This will breed confidence. Find out if you’ve earned your confidence by taking a look in the mirror and throwing some insults in your own direction. Does your own argument hold up? Keep going. Hone your craft, and once you’re capable AF, you’ll know it because the world will respond. Make sure to stop and reflect who you are, what you are doing and what you are becoming. We become the some of what we spend our time doing and who we spend time doing it with. 94 COSMOPOLITAN jAnuARy 2017 Read These, Get Ahead EArning it by Joann S. Lublin It’s like being at the ultimate career conference: 52 CEOs share their work and life lessons. (` 1,261 at amazon.in) in thE compAny of womEn by Grace Bonney Ceramicists, artists, illustrators, authors, and then some—more than 100 creatives talk to the Design*Sponge founder about turning their passions into professions. (` 2,131 at amazon.in) Confidence really is a choice. It’s a bit like a muscle. You have to choose to use a muscle to keep it strong, and you can flex in those moments when you feel overwhelmed. Shrinking doesn’t get you very far. Don’t be psychic Swiss cheese. Don’t let those invisible darts others send your way pass through you. See the dart, and be a happy, confident, solid piece of cheddar. And always mutate consciously. I used to think that networking was creepy. I think it’s a gross word—like saying you’re going to go out just to increase the size of ‘your network’, which is damn weird. Today, I think networking is just another way of saying yes, and I do some version of that now. I resisted it for a long time because I thought I could solve my problems without anyone else’s help, and that I didn’t have anything to learn because my story was different. Yeah, my story is different—but there’s stuff to learn from everyone you meet. I’ve met many people who are willing to help me out or give me advice or introduce me to someone who might give me advice; just people who are excited to help me solve problems. Now I try to do the same. I get plenty of satisfaction from it because when you get to help other people, it’s good for you too. It’s a break from your own problems, a break from yourself. When there’s so much of you happening, being able to focus on someone else is a joy. Some of the people I’ve met grew up in a wealthy home or went to the perfect school or have never been an entrepreneur or have a big job at a big company. I could tell myself I’m not like those people. But while there may be fundamental differences between us, I ha